Perfectionism with Kate Bennett, PsyD

Hello! Welcome to the Monkey Mind Newsletter where we provide you with the tools to be a more successful and resilient athlete and human. 

CONTRIBUTOR
Kate Bennett, PsyD

Kate Bennett, PsyD, is a clinical sport psychologist, author, and speaker. As a former coach, athletic trainer, and two-time national track cycling champion, she combines her sport experiences with her clinical expertise to support the mental health and performance needs of athletes, performers, and high-achieving individuals. From youth sports and college athletics to World Cup winners and Paralympic Games podiums, Dr. Bennett has helped hundreds of athletes improve their mental health and optimize their performance. On a personal note, Dr. Bennett grew up in southeastern Michigan with three brothers who played hockey – her puck handling skills may be dismal but countless hours in ice rinks lead to an appreciation for the sport and a strong understanding of all that goes on behind the scenes in hockey.

www.athleteinsight.co

FB: @AthleteInsight

[email protected]

TOPIC
Perfectionism

Are you a high achieving athlete that focuses on perfectionism to optimize your success? Chances are, if you chose to read this email, then the answer is yes. 

And, if so, I am not surprised. We tend to regard perfection as the fast track to achieving success and optimizing our potential in sport (and other areas of life). 

However, I am here to tell you that it might be your perfectionism that is hindering your success. Perfectionism is the Achilles heel of many athletes. 

Following are common struggles that perfectionists often face.

1. You struggle to compete as well as you train. If you are one of those players who crushes it in practices but find yourself disappointed after games, you might be stuck in the perfectionistic trap.

2. Coaches tell you that you are not playing to your potential. Your coaches see how hard you work in practice and question why you struggle to perform in games. Depending on the coach, they might try to encourage you to “try harder,” yell at you to stop making recurring mistakes, or drop you down to the third line you to reduce your liability on the ice.

3. You are preoccupied about what could happen if you make this play or try that skill. You find your mind runs ahead of the game or practice, looking ahead to what might happen and trying to avoid making mistakes. Some call this “paralysis by analysis.”  

4. You find yourself quick to pass the puck off to a teammate to avoid making a mistake. Having possession of the puck feels too risky. You pass it along like a hot potato, worrying that your skills will somehow fail you. Instead of taking the risk, you move the puck along to a teammate to reduce your chances of messing up.

5. Even when coaches are telling you that you had a great game, you struggle to look past the mistakes that you made that day. You may struggle to hear all the positive feedback that you receive because your brain only sees your faults. 

6. You find yourself devaluing important events (rivalry games, tryouts, championships, starting positions) even though you really do care about them. Perfectionistic athletes commonly become apathetic towards important moments to avoid disappointing themselves. This might mean that you really want to start in a specific game or be selected by a new team. Rather than sharing these goals with others, you pretend that you don’t care. You may not work as hard at practice or back off in tryouts to avoid feeling disappointment later on. It feels easier to say “I didn’t try” than to admit that you gave an event everything and didn’t achieve your goals. 

7. You question most of what you do, wondering if anything that you accomplish is ever good enough. Perfectionism is defined by the absence of flaws. The only way to know if you have made a mistake is to analyze your performances. And, last time I checked, no hockey player or game is the result of flawlessness. That perfectionistic brain of yours gets attached to the mistakes and makes it near impossible to hold onto your successes of the day. 

Here’s the problem: Perfectionism is rooted in a fixed mindset rather than a growth mindset. To optimize your true potential, you must be willing to take risks, fail, and trust that adversity leads to strength and wisdom. 

The great myth is that perfectionism supports confidence. But it doesn’t. If fact, perfectionism is self-doubt in disguise. Trying to be perfect will only yield to ongoing feelings of doubt and fear. Furthermore, perfectionism is risk-avoidant, lest you might fail, and leaves you stuck with feelings of anxiety. 

Building confidence means redirecting your focus on what you CAN control in the PRESENT moment. Redirecting your focus away from the things that you cannot control (teammates, competitors, coaches, parents, refs) and towards the things that you can (your thoughts, feelings and actions) is the first step towards achieving excellence.

MENTAL PERFORMANCE TOOL

Let’s take the mystery out of confidence by reducing it to a basic mathematical equation:

Past Success + Preparation + Present Moment Controllables + Passion = Confidence

Step 1: Take note of all the success that you have achieved in hockey at this point – this is your time to shine. Drumroll, please. Let the bragging commence! No, seriously, I want you to brag. What have you achieved in your career at this point? 

Step 2: Add up all the hours that you dedicate to hockey. Training on and off the ice, strength and conditioning, puck handling drills at home, privates, film. Take credit for all the hours that you put into optimizing your performance. Be sure to count past seasons as well…I suspect that you have hundreds of hours banked by this point. All of this dedication means that you are set up for success (including making mistakes and bouncing back from them). 

Step 3: Focus on the things that you have control over: Your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Stop getting distracted by the rest of the stuff (coaches, teammates, refs, competitors, and fans).

Step 4: Pour your heart into your performance. Fear and passion are mutually exclusive – meaning that you can ONLY play out of fear or, instead, you can choose to compete out of love for the sport, gratitude for all of those people who support you, and joy for the players on the ice with you. Play from your heart and trust (per the confidence equation) that your success will fall into place. 

Building confidence is a daily act. Replace your daily perfectionistic thoughts and rituals with these concrete steps towards developing a strong foundation for confidence. Stop hoping to feel confident and start thinking confidently.

FEEDBACK

Tell Us What Topics You Want To See Included In The Newsletter!

Are You In The Mental Performance Field And Would Like To Contribute?

Reach Out at [email protected]